作為新父母,您是否擔心負面想法?

作為新父母,您是否擔心負面想法?
許多新父母常常覺得他們必須隱藏自己的真實感受。
猴子商業圖像/ Shutterstock

如果您相信媒體告訴我們的話,除了壓倒性的愛,我們應該什麼也不會感到, 感謝 and excitement immediately when our baby is born.當我們的寶寶出生時立即感到興奮。 Although becoming a new parent might indeed be a time of happiness, feeling a far more雖然成為新父母確實確實是一段幸福的時光,但感覺卻要多得多 複雜的情緒 實際上比您想像的要普遍。

研究表明,整體幸福感實際上 第一年下降 of having a baby, especially for women.生育,特別是對於女性而言。 Although parents may love their babies very much, it's common to not love儘管父母可能非常愛自己的孩子,但不愛是常見的 隨之而來的東西,例如擔心金錢,不眠之夜以及與伴侶或朋友失去聯繫的感覺。

但是,父母常常隱藏他們如何 真的感覺,認為這些想法是錯誤的,並且分享這些想法會將它們標記為“壞父母”。 Worries such as this can be a core part of not feeling like a good enough parent and are also common in諸如此類的擔憂可能是不覺得自己像個好父母的核心部分,並且在 產後抑鬱症.

新父母的心理健康以及育兒第一年可能發生的意外事件是 我最新的書。 I spoke with more than 500 parents who told me how they honestly felt after their baby was born.我與XNUMX多個父母交談,他們告訴我他們在孩子出生後的感覺。

What was immensely clear from their stories is that there's no one “right way” to feel once you have a baby.他們的故事中非常清楚的是,一旦有了孩子,就沒有一種“正確的方式”去感受。 Alongside the positives, parents felt a whole host of emotions they weren't expecting, often saying this was the first time they had spoken openly about their feelings.除了積極的一面,父母還感受到了很多意想不到的情緒,常常說這是他們第一次公開談論自己的感受。 Here were some of the most common things people felt:這是人們最常見的一些感受:

1.不立即愛寶寶

The media would have us believe that the moment a baby is born, parents fall madly in love with them.媒體會讓我們相信,嬰兒出生的那一刻,父母就會瘋狂地愛上他們。 Although this can happen, many parents talked about feeling disconnected or so exhausted they couldn't think about loving anyone.儘管這種情況可能發生,但許多父母談論的是與他人分離或感到筋疲力盡,以至於無法考慮愛任何人。

Others felt shock that a baby was actually here.其他人對嬰兒真的在這裡感到震驚。 It can be especially difficult when parents have had a如果父母有一個 創傷性懷孕或分娩, 試管嬰兒或以前的損失, 或者 早產兒.


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It's normal for bonding to take time.綁定需要一些時間,這是正常的。 However, things like但是,像 皮膚接觸緊緊抱著寶寶 在吊索中,甚至給他們一個 溫柔的嬰兒按摩 都被證明有助於改善人際關係和心理健康。

2.感覺不稱職和不知所措

Another common emotion was feeling terrified by the responsibility of being a new parent.成為新父母的責任使另一個共同的情感感到恐懼。 Many felt shocked that they were now actually expected to care for this baby, despite no tests or training.許多人感到震驚的是,儘管沒有進行任何測試或培訓,他們現在實際上已經可以照顧這個嬰兒了。 Parents remembered feeling like everyone else knew what to do, but they didn't.父母想起了其他人都知道該怎麼做的感覺,但他們卻不知道。 This feeling is likely exacerbated by us now現在我們可能會加劇這種感覺 以後要生孩子, 遠離家庭生活,而且直到我們擁有自己的孩子時,他們才經常真正不在嬰兒身邊。

But many people feel this way.但是很多人都有這種感覺。 And babies are resilient, so it's okay if you don't嬰兒有彈性,所以如果你不這樣做也可以 做到“完美” 每時每刻。

(您是否擔心作為新父母的消極想法)感到不知所措是正常的。 JR-50 / Shutterstock

If you're feeling this way, talking to other new parents or with your health visitor or midwife may help reassure you of just how common these feelings are.如果您有這種感覺,與其他新父母或與您的健康探望者或助產士交談可能會讓您放心,這些感覺有多普遍。 However, if these thoughts are affecting you significantly, do consider但是,如果這些想法對您有重大影響,請考慮 與治療師交談 專門支持新父母的人。

3.為您的前世而悲傷

The build-up to having a baby is often all about the birth and buying things for the baby.生育嬰兒通常與生育和為嬰兒購買物品有關。 When the baby arrives, your life suddenly changes.當嬰兒到達時,您的生活突然改變。

It's normal to be shocked, feel regret at how tough some parts can be, and to grieve for your old life – even though you wouldn't actually swap back to it.感到震驚,對某些部件的韌性感到遺憾並為自己的舊生活而悲傷是很正常的,即使您實際上並沒有退縮。 Part of this, especially for mothers, was feeling like they'd lost their identity and simply becomes someone's “mum”, their days filled with caring for their baby on repeat.其中的一部分,特別是對於母親而言,感覺像是失去了自己的身份,而成為某人的“媽媽”,他們的日子充斥著對嬰兒的照顧。

But missing your old life does not mean you don't love your baby or are a bad parent.但是,失去前世並不意味著您不愛寶寶或父母不好。 And it does它確實 隨著時間的流逝變得更輕鬆 當您過渡到新常態時。

4.感到被困–但不想被分開

父母還談到要休息,同時又不想與嬰兒分開。

Mothers talked about jealousy of their partner leaving the house for work, yet dreaded being separated from their baby to do the same.母親們談到嫉妒他們的伴侶離開屋子去上班,但又害怕與嬰兒分開做同樣的事情。 Some counted down the clock until bedtime and then immediately missed their baby.有些人倒計時直到睡覺,然後立即想念他們的孩子。 You might find people get exasperated at you for feeling this way – ignore them.您可能會發現人們因為這種感覺而生氣-忽略他們。 You don't have to leave your baby if you don't want to.如果您不想,就不必離開寶寶。 What you probably need is您可能需要的是 其他方式的更多支持例如熱食,午睡或只是一些成人陪伴。

If you're a new parent and struggling, it's important to remember that negative and mixed emotions are a normal part of life.如果您是新父母並且在掙扎中,請務必記住,消極情緒和混合情緒是生活的正常部分。 Talking to other parents may help you see you aren't alone in feeling this way.與其他父母交談可能會幫助您看到您並不孤單。 Having negative emotions about people and the things we love is also normal.對人和我們所愛的事物產生負面情緒也是正常的。 And, perhaps most importantly, people lie on social media.而且,也許最重要的是,人們躺在社交媒體上。 Research shows it's common for new parents to feel they have to share positive messages to the point they研究表明,新父母通常感到自己必須分享積極的信息,直達他們的觀點。 修飾甚至說謊 to create a certain image to the world.為世界創造一定的形象Let's not fall for it any more.讓我們不再為它所愛。

Altogether, what was clear from my research was the complexity and variability in what parents felt.總之,從我的研究中可以清楚地看出父母的感受的複雜性和可變性。 Emotions could change from one moment to the next, or come all at once.情緒可能會從一瞬間改變到另一瞬間,或一次全部改變。 Being a parent certainly isn't easy – and parents should know that it's okay to feel this way.成為父母當然不是一件容易的事,而且父母應該知道這樣感覺是可以的。談話

關於作者

兒童公共衛生教授艾米·布朗(Amy Brown), 斯旺西大學

本文重新發表 談話 根據知識共享許可。 閱讀 原創文章.

支持一份好工作!
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